Battle of the Blondes
by Shuichi Saito
Summary: Jace really needs that chocolate bar! And with one left, he's over the moon! However, who's this leather wearing punk? And why is he demanding that it's his bar of chocolate? Rewritten version of the original story! More details inside!


**Hello. Gosh! It's been quite a fair amount of time – hasn't it? Well, I'm finally free of my Year 12 exams and my parent's rather messy divorce is finally coming to an end, thankfully, which means that I can finally catch up on Fanfiction.  
I have posted his story before, but I'm currently in the process of working my way through my existing stories and adapting them (Checking spelling, adding extra details and just making them much, **_**much**_** better) I hope you like the new and improved version of 'Battle Of The Blondes' **

**Rating: T for language and mild violence.  
Characters: Jace, Alexander, Isabelle (Only mentioned), Matt, Mello and Near (Only mentioned)  
Word Count: 1,789  
Details: Please remember that this is a crack fic; one that is meant to be taken lightly and with a pinch of salt. I do hope you enjoy and please drop a review if you want to, it would be lovely to hear what people think about the newly adapted version :)**

**~ Battle Of The Blondes ~**

"Pssstttt, Alec! Don't look now, but there's a man stalking us. He's been following us around the store for the last 30 minutes…Probably checking me out – I mean, heck! Who could ignore such a fabulous specimen as myself. With rock hard abs and golden hair that sways in the wind. Everyone's flocking to get a piece of me. Or…or…It might be a demon in disguise, one that's come to kill us off and-"

"That's the security guard, Jace"

"Really" He shot a quick look over his shoulder in a way that was meant to look unsuspicious, instead it made him look like he had an unfortunate nervous twitch. He spotted the Walkie-Walkie clipped to the man's leather belt; he was indeed a security guard. "Strange, I wonder why he's following us around"

"Because you've got the hood of your jacket up. And in general, look like the type of guy that would pocket things" Alexander Lightwood finished, dumping a box of Cheerios into their shopping basket. He cast his adoptive brother, Jace, a withering look tinged with despair and pulled the said hood off his head. "Can't wait to strip me? Wow, I didn't know my dear brother felt that way about me…Anyway, like you're the one to talk"  
Jace eyed Alec's mud splattered My Chemical Romance shirt, his too-long black jeans that looked like they'd had a thorough tour through an industrial shredder, and lastly his unruly jet black hair that hung over his acid blue eyes. "You look like a hobo" He concluded thoughtfully.

"Thanks" Alec murmured, adding a jumbo box of KittyMix in the basket, saves their poor cat from having to raid the bin for scraps. "No really, you do. The security guard probably thinks you're going to set up a bed in the disabled toilets and steal their pot noodles or something" Jace snickered "I really don't get how you and Magnus hooked up, you guys are like a walking-talking 'Chalk and Cheese' sign"

"I love you too" Alec said, a slither of sarcasm seeping into his voice. Jace laughed.

A comfortable silence settled over the duo as they trailed between shelves of food, a couple of cans clanked noisily in the basket that Alec grasped firmly and Jace was pretty sure he could hear a baby emptying the contents of it's stomach somewhere in the store. To take his mind off things baby related he glanced at the shopping list in his hand, snorting with supressed laughter when he saw that Izzy had dotted the I's with hearts.

"We apparently need to buy some Rimmel Mascara, bodyspary, wholemeal bread and a bar of 80% dark chocolate" He commented "Iz is desperate for that chocolate. She told me this morning that she's making an extra chocolaty chili, squid, cucumber and chocolate cake. And she also specifically told me that she would hollow out our heads and feed our brains to the cat if we didn't get her this certain make" Alec furrowed his eyebrows, and slight greenish expression crossing his face "That's gross. But knowing Isabelle, I bet she'd actually try and do that" Alec grabbed a couple of packets of M&M's – Plain chocolate, he didn't like the peanut ones – and threw them in the baskets, upon doing so he noticed that Jace had sneakily dumped half a dozen packets of SourWorms in there; normally, he would have thrown a fit for wasting money, if not for the fact that they were using Isabelle's 'Emergency Stiletto Fund' to pay for – Not that she knew, of course.

"Damn! We're just in luck! There's one bar left!" Jace announced, waving his hands around in order to express the enormity of the situation. Sure enough, among the Galaxy, Dairy Milk and WalMart own brands was the bar of chocolate they were looking for; Montezuma's Extra Dark, it was wrapped in the classic red and black paper. With a look that could only be described as one that said 'Back of bitches, this bar is mine" Jace leapt forward, hand outstretched towards the bar of heavenly delight, only to have something hard and cool pressed against the back of his head.

"Step. Away. From. That. Chocolate. And. Nobody. Gets. Hurt" A smooth, heavily accented voice stated calmly. Turning, Jace's eyes widened in surprise as he realized that the object digging painfully into his scalp was a handgun. Yes, a freaking handgun! In the middle of Walmart! But the aisle they were in was completely deserted, apart from Alec who looked like someone had slapped him across the face with a damp fish, the human Barbie who still had that freaking gun –That was now pointing at the area between his eyebrows- and a strange redhead who was tapping the buttons on a vintage DS. Even the creepy security-guard-slash-stalker had vanished from sight.

"No! Don't look Alec! There's a dude in skin tight leather, he might make you gayer than you already are!" Jace exclaimed, Alec huffed in annoyance at the statement, but he also let out a sigh of relief when the guy slipped the gun into the waistband of his tight, shiny trousers. The gun-wielding blonde snarled and grabbed the other end of the chocolate bar and gave it a firm tug; Jace however, kept a firm hold in the chocolate, his years of Shadowhunter training coming to use (Though he thought he'd be using them in a more heroic situation; Not trying to defend his bar of chocolate from a snarling Barbie in the middle of Walmart)

"My. Chocolate – I mentally claimed that chocolate!" Barbie said.

"Geeze!" Jace replied "Who the hell pissed in your cereal this morning?"

"Get away from my chocolate!" The blonde practically yelled, how they didn't attract the attention of the stalker security guard from earlier, Jace didn't know "Don't make me fucking shoot you" The redhead sighed audibly and slipped the DS inside the pocket of his slouchy jeans before rubbing at the skin around his orange tinted goggles "Mello. Don't make a scene" He said evenly.  
"I'm not causing a freaking scene! Look at him Matt! How dare he steal my chocolate!" The blonde, now named Mello (Jace has to supress the chuckles that tried to escape his mouth as images of marshmallows invaded his mind) cried out, blue eyes flashing with anger.

"Well sorry! But my brains are going to be kitty food if I don't get this chocolate. There are plenty of other bars! Why don't you get one of those?"

"I fucking hate those shitty bars! They taste like I'm chewing on Near's hair or some other shitty thing like that. Give me the freaking bar or I'll happily blow your brains out" Mello, Jace concluded, was most likely suffering from a severe case of Tourette's; that was the only explanation Jace had as to why 50% of Mello's language consisted of swear words.

"It's mine! Go back to planet Marshmallow or wherever you come from, Mello"

"HOW DARE YOU! GIVE ME MY DAMN CHOCOLATE!" Mello shrieked ; he then started muttering about WalMart, chocolate, bombs, something about it being Near's fault, and what body parts he'd like to string out as decorations.  
Alec groaned in annoyance, Matt (If he'd remembered his name correctly) leant back against a shelf of Pick-A-Mix and whipped out his awakened DS like the scene unfolding in front of his eyes was an everyday occurrence. He wished Magnus was here to entertain him, or that he had his phone so he could browse his text's or something. Instead, he gazed down the aisle in boredom. Wasn't that a fascinating box of Cornflakes! Alec has simply never seen anything so deeply engaging and mind-boggling in his life!

"Jace" Alec drawled eventually "Leave it. I'm sure they sell that chocolate somewhere else, are you really going to risk your life for some confectionary? Have you forgotten that you're arguing with a person who has a gun?" Jace shot him a 'Are you freaking kidding me, dear brother of mine? Look' while Mello smiled a smile that made him look even more deranged than he already was "See! That dude over there has the right idea, hand over the chocolate!"

"Over my dead body" Jace snorted, yanking the chocolate back towards him. Mello's upper lip curled up into a frightening snarl, his free hand hovering over the handle of the gun that jutted out from his waistband "Really? Because that can be arranged" He whipped the gun out and did a little twirl with it. It always scared people when he did that, he loved the look of pure fear that crossed their faces.

"Bring it on! No fancy gun twirling will faze me!" The arrogant teen laughed back. Mello, frowned in annoyance; so much for his little gun trick.

"HEY! WHAT DO YOU KIDS THINK YOU'RE DOING!" A deep, husky voice boomed down the aisle, Jace and Alec saw that it was the shop security man that had been following them earlier. His sudden yelling must have startled Mello, whose finger that hovered over the trigger flinched; but the movement was enough for the gun to fire. The bullet tore through a nearby display of 'Three for two' on lemonade, which exploded in a spectacular shower of artificial colours and flavourings. The security officer gave a startled squawk as all hell broke loose; people ran around and screamed while other pressed themselves to the ground, hands covering their heads.

Jace saw movement from the corner of his eye, Alec had yanked his stele from the pocket of his hoodie and drew a quick invisibility rune on himself; Jace followed suit and grinned at the look on Matt, Mello and the overweight Security Officer's faces as they 'vanished'

"What have I told you? You can't solve everything by shooting at it. Damn it!" Matt exhaled "I want a cigarette" The redhead gripped the back of his companions leather vest and yanked hard. Within an instant, they were running off at an impressive speed, dodging screeching mundanes and the grabbing hands of security and police officers. The way they moved in synchronization gave the vibe that they'd something like this countless times. To be honest, the two Shadowhunters wouldn't be surprised if they had.

"Can we do this again? I've never had so much fun in my life" Jace queried after a moments silence, he quirked an eyebrow up at Alec who pursed his lips and watched people run past them, some slipping on the spilt lemonade; still completely oblivious to the two invisible teens.

"Whatever, just put the chocolate in the basket" Alec sighed, offering the shopping basket up towards his golden haired parabati. Jace's eyes scrunched up in confusion.

Chocolate.

Chocolate?

Jace looked down at his hands.

Well damn.

That punk got the chocolate.

They. Were. So. Screwed.


End file.
